Sorry for the lack of posts... there's so many stories I want to write here, but I never seem to have the time or the will. Anyway, today I'm going to retell some stories from Mr. Kenyon's class-- Mr. Kenyon is my favorite teacher I've ever had, as you probably already know.
It was September 2009, and everyone was adjusting to their new school schedules, classes, and teachers. I had been pretty satisfied with my roster of teachers; my ELA teacher was a fun sort of guy who joked around, but occasionally treated us like younger kids. My social studies teacher was loud and upbeat, referring to George Washington as 'G-Dubbz'. My Spanish teacher was sort of crazy, but in a good kind of way. My health teacher was generally calm, but she had a sense of humor buried deep inside. My math teacher was rather random, suddenly going into debates about hand lotion, slippers, and 'dog-cats'. But there was one teacher I didn't agree with... Mrs. Rugari, the science teacher. She was an organization freak, she was strict and serious, she was cranky, and she allowed absolutely no fun in her classroom. But there was a little glimmer of hope; she was pregnant with twins, and would be leaving in December, not returning until the next school year. So, I did my best to put up with her, until December finally came.
Around the time of December 4th, we first met Mr. Kenyon. He was a somewhat large dude with graying hair, and for the first few days he was in the classroom, he sat in the back and observed us in silence while Mrs. Rugari went about her regular ways. Oh great, I thought, this new guy is probably going to be even more boring than Mrs. Rugari! Boy, was I wrong.
At long last, Mrs. Rugari left, leaving this Mr. Kenyon guy in charge. He wasn't particularly fun or interesting while we were wrapping up the measurement and atoms and whatever the heck unit Mrs. Rugari had nearly completed, but who could blame him? That kind of stuff is nearly impossible to make fun. When we were finished with that, Mr. Kenyon showed us his true colors.
Every day, Mr. Kenyon would tell us these crazy stories that took up most of the class. Sure, they had some relation to whatever we were learning about, but honestly, we never got any work done. A simple notes worksheet that would've taken fifteen minutes to get through took us three weeks. Once he told us this disgusting story about some supermodel who was helping her family on their farm, but then she got her hair caught in the blades of a tractor or something, and her entire scalp was nearly ripped off. He described it is excruciating detail; so much that I felt sick for the next two periods. And why did he tell us this, er... lovely story? When they were performing surgery on her, they used leeches to drain the extra blood. I can't remember what we were studying on that particular day, but it had something to do with leeches and such. Another day, Mr. Kenyon told us this story about how when he was in high school, he was assigned to make a dessert for the board of education with several other students... he was assigned to melt this thing of chocolate... He decided to try cutting the chocolate into smaller pieces so it would melt faster, but then the pan flipped over and the molten chocolate got all over his pants. He ran down the hall, threw off his jeans, and went into the bathroom, and then, while walking to the nurse in nothing but his underwear and a t-shirt, the bell rang, and everyone saw him in the hall, in his chocolate soaked underwear and t-shirt. He told us this story when we were learning about... well, I really can't remember. Which is sad, because he was like, "If anyone asks you what ______ is, remember your seventh grade science teacher spilling chocolate all over his pants." I know it had something to do with volcanoes, but I'm not exactly sure what...
Aside from telling stories, Mr. Kenyon had some pretty weird habits... When he was up front, he would always start whacking his legs with a yardstick. Once, he even broke a yardstick over his leg... he got a new one a few days later, but then he broke that one as well.
One time, he took out a piece of chalk and started eating it. I have no clue why. He's also licked several kinds of rocks randomly-- he licked pyrite, and these two black rocks, and he licked this piece of halite before making some random girl lick it. He's also put a piece of sulfur in his mouth.
Mr. Kenyon had this little stress ball that looked like a globe in which he would randomly throw at people. One time, he said something, and this kid was all like, "Siiiick...." A second later, Mr. Kenyon chucked the stress ball, and nailed the kid right in the face.
He also had somewhat of an obsession with outhouses. Don't ask me why. Whenever he needed to draw a diagram of something, he'd add a little outhouse in it.
On top of all that, he had a great sense of humor. It was impossible to leave his class without laughing once. Unless he was mad. When Mr. Kenyon is mad... well, it isn't a pretty sight. But that didn't happen TOO often.
During the last week of seventh grade, all we did was watch Loony Toons. He also handed out these awesome brownies to everyone in my class who got a 90 or above on the science final exam, I being one of them. My class also spent the last hour of seventh grade in his room-- after that, he'd be leaving the school, and we'd probably never see him again.
Since then, in eighth grade, I've gained a social studies teacher, Mr. Wiest, who has a great sense of humor, and is even a bit nicer than Mr. Kenyon. But unfortunately, he doesn't eat chalk, or chuck stress balls in peoples' faces, or tell us stories as often as Mr. Kenyon did. Then again... Mr. Kenyon never held a marshmallow war!