I always feel self-conscious in the halls.
Especially when I'm the only kid in the hall going one way, and there's only one kid or a small group of kids going towards me. That's exactly the situation I was in today, and I guess I have a reason to feel that way.
There were three kids, two guys and a girl, making their way toward me. I shuffled off to the side of the hall, trying not to get in their way. When we approached each other, one of the guys leaned toward me and started making animal noises. I pushed against the wall, trying to get away from him as quickly as possible. I slid past, and listened to what they had to say.
"That was rude," the other guy scorned, though for all I know, it could've been jokingly. I think he was that kid that backed me up in the situation described in "The Littlest Things", so he might've really meant it. Yeah, he's seriously the only guy in the school who would even think of standing up for me. Once I heard him making a comment about me, so I guess I don't even have his full support. "What if you were her?"
The guy who made the noises at me chuckled. "If I was her, I wouldn't go to school." I imagined him with a wide smirk on his face. So that's how ugly I am, huh? So ugly that I shouldn't show myself in public? I narrowed my eyes, and turned for the stairs. I don't know if they said anything after that, since by then they were out of earshot.
I knew I should've done something. I shouldn't have tried to avoid them. That just makes me appear weak, and bullies feed off of weak people. I always tell myself to take a stand. Yet in the event of a situation where that would be necessary, I can never muster up the courage to stand up for myself. I need to do something; I could cuss them out, or flip them off, or retort with a clever comeback, or threaten them with violence. Anything. I just need to prove to them that I'm not weak, and that I won't let their petty insults get to me. Maybe this is why I'm targeted so often.
Next time this happens, I'll do something. I swear I will.